PancakeBreakfast.net

Who says the AP wire is boring?

noreply@blogger.com (greg) — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 15:55:00 +0000

[McCain's] top contenders are said to include Minnesota Gov. Tim Pawlenty and former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney. Less traditional choices mentioned include former Pennsylvania Gov. Tom Ridge, an abortion-rights supporter, and Connecticut Sen. Joe Lieberman, the Democratic vice presidential prick in 2000 who now is an independent.

From here

The employment pages

noreply@blogger.com (greg) — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 07:02:00 +0000

As a recent college graduate wading knee-deep in a hostile job market, I think I've developed an involuntary tic every time I hear the word "experience."

Of course, hearing the phrase "35 years of experience" repeated ad nauseum over the course of the endless Democratic primary didn't help any.

Sen. Dennis Miller (R-CA)? A-ha-ha! [brushes hair back]

noreply@blogger.com (greg) — Sun, 10 Aug 2008 17:22:00 +0000

In a positively illuminating interview with Politico.com, Dennis Miller reveals that the ex-next Republican president, George "I call dark-skinned people monkeys and I'm ashamed that my mom's Jewish but I'm not a racist, I swear" Allen, once tried to tap him as Sen. Barbara Boxer's Republican challenger:

George Allen called me once when he was in charge of Senate procurement something or other and wanted me to run against Barbara Boxer. I remembered when I was in grade school there was always one kid who, two minutes before the end of class when no homework had been assigned, would always raise their hand and remind the teacher. That kid always bugged me. And when I look at Capitol Hill, I see 535 of those kids. I have no interest in joining them.

Yes, Dennis. Clearly it's your disdain for the partisan atmosphere on Capitol Hill that kept you away, not the fact that you'd be creamed six ways to sunday. Although I'm sure C-SPAN viewers would've been enthralled by Dennis Miller's speeches in the hallowed halls of the Senate, which I imagine would've been something along the lines of, "This bill is so Kafkaesque, it makes the Hawley-Smoot tariff look like a late 90's Mallard Fillmore on quaaludes. A-ha-ha! [brushes hair back]"

Okay, I've got one: "Paris Hilton shouts racist epithets after her arrest for plotting to rob a bank but before spontaneously combusting"

noreply@blogger.com (greg) — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 18:47:00 +0000

I posted recently about an oddly creative spam subject line: "Tom Cruise killed in plane crash." Since then, I've been getting a number of spam emails along the same lines:

"Kelsey Grammer in hospital after heart attack"

" 'I won't raise taxes,' says Schwarzenegger, 'except for The Indians.' "

"Three children jailed for armed holdup."

There was another one involving Britney Spears hiding a gun in a part of her anatomy in order to shoot at paparazzi, which is most likely impossible but would nonetheless be a minor miracle if it were true.

Of course, none of these are true, and none of the spam contents have anything to do with them, but to me, the most remarkable thing about them is that they're not the standard incoherent wordspam or male-enhancement sales pitch like most spam. In other words, oddly enough, it's somebody's job to come up with these! It reminds me of George Carlin's old routine about the guy who has to go to work and think up places to suggest using plastic vomit-- "Hey Phil, I got another one-- near the refrigerator!" Except today, the advanced technology of email dictates that spammers invent unique, creative ways of famous people saying or doing something eye-catchingly inflammatory. The future truly is here, isn't it?

I almost kinda want that job, because it involves an element of creativity that lucrative-but-sleazy Internet businesses generally lack. At a certain point, though, you would probably start to fall into formulas-- "Random celebrity hospitalized/killed", "Prominent politician says something horribly racist," "Tabloid star goes postal in a manner that somehow involves their genitalia"... and once you rely on a cliche as tired as that, you know you've lost your touch.

Robin, don't just stare at it, eat it!

noreply@blogger.com (greg) — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 17:11:00 +0000

In honor of the Dark Knight, I'll now post what is probably the only Batman comic panel I've read in its entirety:

Top that, Christopher Nolan!

(thanks to BoingBoing for pointing this one out)

2015 won't be as cool as we hoped in the 80s, will it?

noreply@blogger.com (greg) — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 18:39:00 +0000

Have $30k or so lying around the house, and you just don't know how to get rid of it? Why not hop on over to eBay, where you can be the next bidder on this:

That's right, children of the late 80s/early 90s, it's the goddamn Hoverboard from Back to the Future Part II! And no, it doesn't work: the one up for auction is made of wood, and will fall to the ground with a devastating clang if you try to hop on. Still, if you have the kind of disposable income to casually snap this up, you could probably afford to develop the technology to make it work as intended, which I wholeheartedly recommend.

31%!

noreply@blogger.com (greg) — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 04:38:00 +0000

Last week, I mentioned that Rush would appear on the Colbert Report. Now, there's a behind the scenes look at Rush at Colbert headquarters playing their own song on Rock Band (and failing miserably):

Poor, poor Alex.

And the award for most unlikely TV musical guest goes to...

noreply@blogger.com (greg) — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 18:24:00 +0000

Canadian sort-of-prog-sort-of-hard-rock trio Rush will be performing live tonight!... on TV. More specifically, The Colbert Report.

Which is kind of odd. They've never been on SNL or Letterman/Leno or anything. And yet they're somehow going to fit Neil Peart's behemoth of a drum set onto Colbert's relatively small stage. I have no idea how this is going to turn out but I can't imagine it would be anything less than amusing.

So remember tonight to hop the turbine freight home to watch as they're captured by the camera eye and subsequently make electrical airwaves crackle with life! Be cool by watching or be cast out. Uh... Xanadu! (dear god kill me)

Tom Cruise killed in plane crash

noreply@blogger.com (greg) — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 18:18:00 +0000

...is the inaccurate subject line of a spam email I just received for "enhanced" anatomy meds.

I guess it's a smarter tactic than the incoherent pseudo-beat poetry that spammers used to think would somehow grab our attention.

My gosh, you're telling me there's a "Ms." Pac-Man now? You don't say!

noreply@blogger.com (greg) — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 19:27:00 +0000

If you want to get an idea in a brief amount of time of how pointless, irrelevant and out of touch the vast majority of TV news reporting is, and you don't actually want to have to watch a current newscast, check out this 16-year-old local news report describing something called "The Pac-Man."

"He's the yellow guy who looks something like an electric smile button gone berzerk." That's one for the ages. Edward R. Murrow couldn't have put it better himself.

This video is like a confluence of everything I hate about TV journalism: pointless interviews with prepubescents, trite, corny aphorisms, and completely-devoid-of-insight narratives about irrelevant topics, geared toward middle-aged parents who don't understand why their kids are so fascinated by those crazy damn video-whatchamacalits.

(In)stability

noreply@blogger.com (greg) — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 18:23:00 +0000

If you want an idea of the steep downward trajectory taken by Death Cab for Cutie after having signed to a major label, exhibit H is their newest video, for Cath. So, basically, they take the one song I actually really liked from their new album, and made an asinine video where the lyrics are taken word-for-word and depicted as live action, while all four band members sit on patch of grass, lip-synching. I already have a dim enough view of most music videos as it is without this level of appallingly uncreative "look what this song means, it's so deep" crap that's 2 steps away from an infomercial. And jesus, look at Gibbard's mutton chops.

One video cliche I neglected to mention is the pointless B-list celebrity playing a central character. This time it's Lukas Haas, to whom I'm actually distantly related through my aunt, but have only met once, when I was very young. So good on him, I guess.

The sad thing is that the guys in this band all seem reasonably intelligent, and even a little defensive of the idea that signing with a major label would change them significantly. It has, though maybe not in the most obvious ways you could come up with. But at this point, the excuses that a lot of ex-indie artists use for signing, this case included, basically amount to a lot of rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic-- the classic music distribution models of the 20th century are slowly crumbling, and so will the relevance of Atlantic and all the rest of them along with it.

Atlantic, like all other majors, is a company that engages in unethical business practices such as suing filesharers and price-gouging CD buyers. Leaving that aside, it's not at all clear that Atlantic will be able to provide the kind of distribution and marketing resources in 10 years, anyway, so even if you wanted to associate your music with all the shit that comes along with it, it doesn't speak well to your long-term judgment that you do.

Taking advantage of the not-quite-elderly

noreply@blogger.com (greg) — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 17:12:00 +0000

Yesterday, I successfully convinced my mom, who probably spends upwards of 30 minutes a month on the Internet, that Chocolate Rain and Numa Numa were early Beatles songs. Specifically, Ringo sang Chocolate Rain, and Numa Numa was a German folk song they learned while playing in Hamburg.

Am I proud of this? No.

Okay, maybe a little.

If you've ever hated a Simpsons character to the extent that you'd use a rocket launcher if you could, here's your chance!

noreply@blogger.com (greg) — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 19:07:00 +0000

I lost interest in modern FPSs years ago, but I have to admit that this is pretty awesome: an incredibly detailed Simpsons mod of Quake III that includes the full Simpsons house, and a bunch of locations all around Springfield.

A friendly word of advice to spammers

noreply@blogger.com (greg) — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 16:29:00 +0000

When advertising your online casino, sending email spam with the subject heading "Russian Roulette Online" does not inspire one to click through.

Although it does create a funny mental image of people pledging to shoot themselves if they end up losing online.

Room service at the Ryungyong

noreply@blogger.com (greg) — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 02:51:00 +0000

I recently rekindled my longstanding fascination with the Democratic People's Republic of Korea, or Crazytown, as I like to call it, by impulsively purchasing an uncirculated 1947 North Korean banknote on eBay-- mostly because I liked the design and it wasn't particularly expensive, but hey! I found a five dollar frame at Walgreens and now it's art.

If you've ever seen any documentaries about the Nutty North, you've seen a thoroughly brainwashed populace that worships the Dear Leader and his departed father as Earth-bound deities, and express their devotion via ridiculously intricate mass gymnastics demonstrations and other truly impressive feats. The current object of this worship, Kim Jong-il (whose portrayal in Team America: World Police probably was too generous in terms of assessing his mental stability), in addition to being a ruthless autocrat, is also a big basketball fan and has the largest private film collection in the world. The more you know!

One other object of my NK fascination is the Ryugyong Hotel, an unfinished, pyramidal skyscraper in Pyongyang that was originally meant to be the largest hotel in the world, but was abandoned in the late 1980s due to a lack of funding. While it's not attractive in any traditional sense, I have a very strange affection for this building's design, which looks like it should have a giant ball of flame coming out of the top at night while Vangelis music plays in the background. It's been unceremoniously trashed by Esquire magazine as the "Worst Building in the World," which I think is a little hyperbolic. I happen to think San Francisco's own Rincon One is much uglier, and has nowhere near the cool factor of the Ryugyong.

So I was somewhat heartened to learn that construction on the Ryugyong has resumed. I say 'somewhat' because the resources going into finishing it will no doubt be a tremendous burden on the long-suffering North Korean people, who have gone through many famines and shortages while their government has squandered their national assets on huge military buildups and other wasteful expenditures. But leaving that aside, I really, really want this building to be finished and functional for no rational reason.

While it may seem like a pipe dream, a full democratic transformation and potential reunification with the south may someday be in store for North Korea. The second that happens, I'll be the first in line to ride the beautifully designed Pyongyang Metro and stay in the big-ass pyramid.

Something that makes you wonder how many Mr. McGreggs there are in Canada

noreply@blogger.com (greg) — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 20:02:00 +0000

The Canadian medical establishment apparently thinks that "What the hell is that?" is an appropriate statement to make prior to a patient's anesthesia taking effect.

Someone managed to unearth a Canadian Medical Association Journal article comparing the quality of care provided by the two primary physicians featured on The Simpsons, Drs. Nick Riveria and Julius Hibbert. While the authors amusingly end up favoring Riveria for his cost-cutting techniques and forgive him for unknowingly dropping his Porsche keys inside a surgical cavity, reading it did leave me a little cold as someone who's struggling as a recent college grad to find meaningful work that doesn't require months-long, full-time, unpaid internships as some kind of 'experience' prerequisite.

While the tone of this article is tongue-in-cheek, it reminds me of when I once opted to write an ostensibly serious paper on post-modern racial symbolism and subtext in The Simpsons. I'm not bitter, since I got an A on a paper I immediately deemed one of the worst I'd shat out in my college career -- but if I'd known that serious journals actually published stuff like this, I'd have submitted any of the half-baked pseudo-deconstructionist essays I managed to finish an hour or two before class and gotten myself on the gravy train of academia a long time ago. Oh well.

Ultimately, I think the fatal flaw they neglect to mention is whether or not Hollywood Upstairs Medical College is a properly accredited educational institution, and if that might reflect poorly on Riviera's acumen. In conclusion, I'm quite disappointed in this inconsequential, 2-page joke article! For shame, Canadian Medical Association.

Love might tear you apart, but Microsoft is hoping that 'the social' will bring you together. Or something like that.

noreply@blogger.com (greg) — Wed, 04 Jun 2008 19:41:00 +0000

I think it's fair to say that Microsoft's Zune is far more unknown than it is a pleasure. Nonetheless, they're coming out with a Joy Division-themed Zune that's sure to rock your next downbeat, manic-depressive yet oddly-dance-friendly and thoroughly overrated party.

I was always more of a New Order fan myself, but I have to admit that this is a step up, design-wise, from the infamous turd-colored model.

And it's not without added bonus features: in the spirit of Ian Curtis, this Zune is set to expire after you finish two albums.

"God is dead, LOL"

noreply@blogger.com (greg) — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 16:30:00 +0000

It's a rare day when any wisdom, intentional or otherwise, can be derived from a comment or post on a blog or message board.

That rare day is today, apparently.

Since iLounge has decided to release their free guides to the iPod and iPhone, I decided to check it out. I recently jailbroke my iPod touch and, like magic, the feeling that I had wasted 200-odd dollars vanished before my very eyes. Now that I have dozens more programs, including old console emulators of questionable legality, I find myself using the Touch far more often than I had in months previous.

Anyway, on the post announcing their free book, the lone comment beneath is a missive from the sage-like Emma, who has apparently decided to go with only a single name to encapsulate her essence, or something. She writes-- nay, she exhorts to the reader-- "i really want free music i cant aford [sic] any". What profundity lies therein!

Think about it-- she can't afford free music. Who among us can truly say otherwise, especially when free music can so easily be understood as life itself. Such a paradox. I can safely say that I'll never doubt the ability of random Internet douchebags to change the world again.

California Supreme Court: Vassup or ich don't think so?

noreply@blogger.com (greg) — Thu, 29 May 2008 22:54:00 +0000

Sure, it's the New York Times, but if you're like me, when you see a headline like Bruno Weighs Gay Marriage Directive, you tend not to think of NY State Senator Joseph L. Bruno.

Simple nerdy industriousness or a blatant "Hire me" message to Nintendo? You be the judge.

noreply@blogger.com (greg) — Wed, 28 May 2008 15:48:00 +0000

I know I've been a horrible blogger and updates have been lax this month. I'd chalk this up to 90% busyness and 10% lack of motivation when I'm not busy. But forget all that: I found something I need to share with all twelve of you who have ever seen this-- something that will almost make up for any presumed slackage on my part.

This video is insane. It's a custom-made Super Mario World level that is so precisely and elaborately designed that forcing Mario to just run through it provides a percussive backdrop to some ridiculous anime song using coins, mushrooms, bouncing blocks, and basically anything else that makes a sound effect. I can't imagine how many hours upon hours of trial and error this must've took. I won't comment on whether the effort was ultimately worthwhile in the long run, but even if you can't take the full 11 minute runtime, it's worth it to watch for at least the first couple of minutes.

(found via BoingBoing)

"Chances are 99 percent of the Warped Tour set would assume 'Christie Front Drive' is just somebody's street name."

noreply@blogger.com (greg) — Mon, 05 May 2008 20:32:00 +0000

I'm still hard at work compiling my thoughts-- meditations, really-- on the elusive, intangible subtleties of Wolfenstein 3D, but in the meantime, I thought I'd link this AV club article on one of my favorite bands, Christie Front Drive. Not a bad piece, but it gets a little hung-up on the whole issue of their questionable-at-best "emo" categorization-- plus, I probably would've chosen to write about their split 10" with Boys Life rather than their first single.

I know almost no German, but, for better or for worse, what I have learned came from this game:

noreply@blogger.com (greg) — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 01:36:00 +0000

I've been on sort of an unfortunate Wolf3D kick for the past few days. Of course, I'm always on some kind of retro game kick, but this one in particular stems from catching a really nasty cold as soon as I got back, and being housebound for the better part of a week and a half. What illness can do to a man!

Anyway, I'm currently preparing the first new article in many months on this very subject. In the meantime, though, if you have any interest in Sean Connery, men, dogs, dogs being men now, and/or the aforementioned game, then you can click here or here. I take no responsibility for any inanity contained therein, nor do I have a sufficient justification for its existence-- just enjoy.

Charlie Rose grills Charlie Rose about Charlie Rose, Internet, "Steve"

noreply@blogger.com (greg) — Wed, 23 Apr 2008 05:12:00 +0000

You could probably make anything as surreal as this with a little clever editing (see: Full House "You're not my real dad" video previously posted) but somehow I don't see myself ever not enjoying something like this.

Now arriving at the Garden of Love. Please transferring here for Shinkansen and Chariot to the Sun.

noreply@blogger.com (greg) — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 21:43:00 +0000

In between the last post and I now, I've spent a combined 20 hours on airplanes, saw a Shinto priest bless a build-your-own-computer store, and had "IRASHAIMASE" repeatedly shouted to me by an uncountable throng of retail employees with varying degrees of enthusiasm.

Upon my ultra-jet-lagged return from two weeks abroad, though, I came home to discover:
-The untimely death of Charlton Heston
-Somewhere in the neighborhood of 11,000 unread Google Reader items
-A notice from the California state tax board that they believe I made $35,000 more in 2006 than I actually did and that I owe back taxes on this non-existant income

All three of those things are all pretty funny, but here's the thing that I enjoyed the most.

A pair of Russian-born conceptual artists (whose apparent self-portrait appears at left) composed a musical piece which they believed would be the most-disliked song ever, based on their findings through extensive research polling on what people do and don't like in music. The final product features a soprano opera singer rapping about being a cowboy, small children exhorting the listener to do all of their Christmas shopping at Wal-Mart, and prolonged use of tuba and accordion throughout. I know I have weird tastes, but I found myself really enjoying it, but probably wouldn't want to listen to it again. For a while.

Compare that to their version of the possible most-liked song ever, which I had to turn off after 30 seconds because it sounded like pretty much any slickly-produced American Idol soundtrack song you could find.

Not to be all "WELL IN JAPAN..." on you, but while I was over there I found J-pop to be at least temporarily tolerable compared to our Top 40 material. This song was all over the airwaves, and we heard it no less than a dozen times in various restaurants and 100 yen stores everywhere between Tokyo and Hiroshima. Listen once and try to not get it stuck in your head. I dare you.

Heddo-Bouringu ga suki desu yo!

noreply@blogger.com (greg) — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 04:50:00 +0000

I'm going to Japan for two weeks.

Here is a video of a Japanese man using his head to knock over 100 bowling pins.

That is all.